Twenty-two percent of U.S. adults said that they either moved or know someone who did due to the pandemic, according to a Pew Research Center survey released in July. At a time when many are keeping their distance, having friends can offset the negative consequences of loneliness, including depression and anxiety, says Dr. Kirmayer, whose studies focus on friendship and connection. Here’s how you can make friends these days when you don’t know anyone.
Don’t Fear Making the First Move
Emotional intimacy is how we build trust and closeness in our friendships over time, Dr. Kirmayer says. It’s important to build a new friendship with an eye to when Covid-19 is less central in our lives.
“Ideally, the connections that we’re building and the friendships that we’re making will be stable and will exist outside of what’s going on right now,” Dr. Kirmayer says.
There are other ways to befriend new people during this time of social distancing. You might start conversations with someone you happen to be connected with on social media because you met once at a party. If you’re working on a project of some kind, like a thesis or a new hobby, reach out to other people who might be interested in that topic and form an online community. Ask friends to invite their friends.
Join a Group, Or Create Your Own
Micro-communities are another great way to find new friends while also doing activities that you love. Have a penchant for gardening or volunteer work? Groups like that still exist—just browse social media or your local newspaper, Ms. Post says.
Can’t find your dream group? Now’s a good time to start it yourself.
“When we make that first step, people are so relieved to learn that somebody else is doing that work and will jump on board,” Dr. Kirmayer says. This includes social club memberships if you’re willing to spend some cash.
Be Open to Intergenerational Friendships
If you’ve moved home, you may not be surrounded by lots of people your age. That’s okay. Some friendships in your life might be with people who are older or younger than you. You could put out a call to see whether any elderly neighbors in your area would like a young person to help them run to the store to buy groceries or pick up prescriptions. If they take you up on your offer, be sure to spend a few moments to chat with them when you drop off their shopping. (From a safe distance, of course.) You might love hearing fascinating stories from their past. Or perhaps chatting with you will be the highlight of their day.
Transition to New Forms of Communication
After years of seeing your friends in person, it can be hard to transition into new forms of communication. Don’t let the awkwardness of this transition get in the way. The rhythms of your relationships will change. You’ll have to schedule time to talk, instead of expecting to bump into each other. You might find it weird to keep the conversation going, when in person you could fall into companionable silence. It’s important for you to push through these moments and settle into new patterns of relating to one another. You never know which one of these friendships could last you the rest of your life.